Giving Up the Fight (Fear) to Start Trusting Life (Myself)
Recently I have been looking at this point in relation to "the fight" or "the struggle" or the basic fear in relation to life. It truly is the foundation of the survival mode where we are constantly looking over our shoulders, assuming and expecting the worst, and thinking/believing we need to be on guard. We always have a wall up, we are always ready to battle and we just can't seem to settle into the idea that we can TRUST.... ourselves? each other? life?
When I quit smoking over 3 years ago one of the primary realizations and understandings that emerged was all of a sudden I started to trust life. I trusted that things are specific, and working out for me or supporting me to see, realize and understand myself more and more. Indeed, each moment I am face to face with myself and in that, the gift of self-realization is ever-present. Even if I'm afraid, angry, annoyed, wanting to fight, wanting to battle, wanting to CRUSH the other person into smithereens and PROVE just how right I am... I know that I am being presented with an opportunity to stop, breathe and let go of the fight. To surrender, to drop the sword, and to stop believing I must prove myself. I can let go of the struggle, let go of the belief that I can win or be more than others, that I can harm another, that I could possibly be somehow separate from another, to be more or less than another.
Furthermore, I realized the reason I could start to trust Life is because I started being able to trust myself. I had just walked through the greatest physical weakness I believed I had... I quit smoking. I quit an addiction I believed was oh so much greater than me. So I proved to myself I would do the work, I would put in the labor, I would do what was necessary to be done and I would in fact do what was best for me (all). And so because I saw I was willing and able to be trusted, I started being willing to and naturally began to trust life.
Though here I am still seeing this point of fear. Not just in me of course, in all. The world we have created is based on survival - in lack, in limitation, in thinking there isn't enough, I have to ensure my survival before I allow anyone else to have my portion. I must fight to win, to be on top, to have the power... I must ensure my survival. Why? Because I fear death. I fear my demise, my ending...
When in reality - the true reality - we see all is provided for. All is given what it requires, all parts of the whole exist in serving the whole. A tree's natural expression just gives to other aspects of nature. A flower's natural expression is to give to other aspects of nature. Each part is benefited by the other parts... working harmoniously, in co-HERE-ence.
A cooperative, co-creative, coherent expression of life. This is what nature shows us about ourselves. Why have we not yet aligned to this truth?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I must fight and battle for my survival
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I must fear life because I think and believe I cannot trust life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I cannot trust life because I think and believe life has never shown me I can trust it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life as something superior to me that it must prove and show me that it can take care of me when in truth, it is me that must prove to myself that I can trust myself as life
I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that Life is what I define it to be - life is the expression I am and so what I accept and allow as who I am is what I think and believe life is
I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to recognize that life is actually existing and expressing in harmony and balance but I, as my mind, as my limited perception of who I am, is stuck in survival and thinking and believing I must do all the work to ensure my survival instead of realizing that I can instead let go and take my place within/as life, in alignment with/as life as the real expression that is here as all as one as equal and let go of all beliefs that suggest I cannot trust life
I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to live in such a way where I can trust myself always, in all ways
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe what I think and believe about life, about other people, about this world, and about the money system, and about the rich elite, and about religious followers, and ANYTHING of/as existence, as how I perceive it, is actually a reflection of me
I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility as standing AS this point of existence wherein I see, realize, and understand that how I perceive life as a whole is a reflection of how I perceive myself and I see, realize and understand that if I am not yet forgiving, understanding, accepting, embracing, loving and supporting myself, as this world, unconditionally in each moment, I am not, in fact, standing as what is best for all as all as one as equals
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the externalized systems of this world in all their forms as the cause of so much suffering in this world instead of realizing that in my blame, I am waiting.... for something to change... for something outside of me to change... to show me something is changing... meanwhile not yet seeing, realizing and understanding I AM the point to change in fact and once I change, all change, equally as one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for a savior, to wait for money, to wait for a leader, to wait for an authority to direct me, to guide me, to tell me the way, to show me how to suggest to me which is the best way instead of discerning and deciding myself based on my self-honesty that I develop through my self-responsibility as standing equal to all that is here, what is best for me (all) in fact
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself in thinking and believing I am not, alone, capable of realizing who I am as life, as all as one as equal, and to thus wait and wait and wait for something to tell me who I am, or to believe that I must fix myself because apparently I am broken
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as broken instead of doing something to realize my wholeness in fact
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the responsibility I have as all life to stand within/as the point of ultimate responsibility to ensure all are free as me in showing what it means to give to another as I would like to receive, and to love thy neighbor as thyself - to LIVE THIS in each moment of each day and not think and believe I must have an externalized system do this for me first
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to myself, and all as life, to an externalized system and to within this, disempower myself in my ability to direct, forgive, and release the bondage and suffering of life
I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to realize who I really am and thus what I am capable of in each moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must fight for my life, that I must take life from others to ensure my own, that there isn't enough life for all
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a constant state of fear - fear of my death, of my ending, of my suffering and to within this fear, allow others to die, end, and suffer because I must ensure I avoid that at all costs and surely I see the cost
I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that life is available to all, equally, and when I accept and allowed myself to stand in alignment with life, as what nature shows me each day, I can trust myself as life and I can trust others as life because all are acting/living/standing/expressing in a way that gives to themselves, and others equally. Like the trees, the bees, and the birds... like all parts of a whole, working in unison
I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how I can live in/as equality and oneness with all life in this very moment and forevermore.
When and I see myself tense in anticipating the struggle, the fight, in/as survival mode, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I have been programmed to believe in lack and limitation, that there is not enough to go around, that there must be winners and losers, and that I must do whatever it takes to have all the power and control because I cannot trust others/life. I commit myself to thus release this deceiving nature of me in realizing, seeing, and understanding the reality it creates is not best for all and so I commit myself to surrender to the truth of life which is I can trust life, as I can trust myself, and I can trust that as life, I can give to myself, and all equally, that which is best which is to let go of the fight in each moment, to stop the belief that I must win over others, and to trust that I do and will have what I need in each moment, as each breath. That truly what it is I am fighting for has already been given to me and the source of it is within me.
I commit myself to take responsibility for all in/as existence that is me to ensure I no longer allow any point of separation as I see what I create in separation
I commit myself to realize who I am as all as one as equal
I commit myself to remembering I can trust life, as I can trust myself
I commit myself to start living in a way that I can trust myself and so establish that point of trust within life
I commit myself to be the living expression that is LIfe, trusted.